S1-005 How to Win Fans and Intimidate People
How to Win Fans and Intimidate People is the fifth episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In it, the party take on several side quests in preparation for their show. Synopsis It's six thirty in the morning, and the queens awaken in various stages of being able to face the world. Karin and Patrick greet them overt breakfast before the couple head to defend the beach. The queens remind them to attend their show tonight, before they go over the list of the things they need to do to prepare for curtain. They discuss the rejuvenating mud Carmella La Mer asked for, which was across the island. Arson reasons that would be a lot of work when all they need is to give her field hockey and goth rock to make her happy. Still, they decide to ask the Concierge, a man with a bowtie at a podium near the front door, about getting the mud. The man panics, imploring them to not go to the other side of the island, which would upset the society over there. The Golden Palace and other resorts are only allowed to be here because of their good graces. He also says the resort used to have seahorse rides, but they were eaten. Fraya knows at least some survive. But the group decides to not look for the mud right now, but assume they can later in their stay here. Their next destination is the Three Fingers Inn. As they head outside, the morning battle has just ended. Jim-Jim waves, carrying a crab leg, and invites them to the buffet for lunch. Glama birds circle overhead. They find the bar, with a neon sign overhead. Inside, they find a standard bar. An open trapdoor leads to a dark basement. Fraya uses create light on an empty pint glass. Down in the basement she invokes Cher and shapes water to clear a path through chest high water to a chest next to a large walk. Harlotte follows to help with the chest, while Butylene keeps an eye out for Gelatinous Turkey bourbon. Harlotte uses a bobby pin from her wig to pick the lock. Inside are bottles of the bourbon they need. But the rock next to them begins to uncurl. The creature is a rock lobster, roughly pig sized, which grapples the thief and the cleric with its claws. It begins to drag them towards the watery wall. Harlotte attacks with her blades while holding her breath. Fraya freezes a barricade in the water behind the lobster. Butylene doses a crossbow bolt with ensnaring strike ''before firing. Vines grow from the point of impact, but the lobster bursts them apart. Arson invokes her hex powers, infusing her charisma into her spear throw, calling upon the powers of the blessing from Rihanna the group gained yesterday. She also places a hex curse on the lobster, who drops its captives as it dies. From far away Arson hears the cackle of her patron. Fraya decides to haul the lobster back, while Harlotte grabs the bourbon and the tankard the bartender Liir wanted (plus some coins). On their way out, Arson reminds them they need to look for the casino cheater at noon. With a few hours until then, they haul their catch to the casino, drawing attention. "Show's at 8 o'clock!" Harlotte shouts to the lookers. Jim-Jim is thrilled to see something other than crab, even if it is a crustacean. Fraya insists they count the lobster, and the crab they slayed yesterday, in their favor for the Loyalty Program. The group puts on disguises upstairs and return to the casino. Entering through the front doors, Fraya portrays a rich white woman, feigning a Harlotte impersonation, to play penny slots. Butylene, wearing a granny look with wig over horns and a periwinkle cardigan over a floral dress is escorted by her grandson, Harold Oskara. "He" is Harlotte's male disguise, has purple hair and a brown beard, with gold piece loafers, and a gray button up shirt. Lastly, Arson has brown hair in curlers with a leave on green mask, rhinestoned pink bathrobe and jelly shoes. Checking out the casino floor, Fraya is drawn to a table playing Avondra's Favor. The three players are an elf with slicked back hair, a sailor dressed woman with fur wrap, and a hefty looking Tabaxi. The disguised genasi slips into the game, and casts ''detect magic. ''One of the die on the table appears enchanted, but she can't tell how. Fraya signals, with hand signals they definitely pre-discussed, the others. She introduces herself to Brimley, the tabaxi, as Cher, Cheralyn. The elf picks up two dice, one enchanted, and rolls a winning seven. Brimley picks up two non enchanted dice, and asks Fraya to blow on them. After she does, he rolls a nine, to the sighs of everyone. Trying for double or nothing, he grabs the enchanted one, and rolls a two, still a loss. Fraya makes a bet and grabs the enchanted dice and another, rolls a six. She ups her bet and rolls the enchanted one, he other players all looked at her with a nervous gesture. The dice was cocked, but landed on a one. The crowd cheers. She gets six total gold. Fraya feels certain it was the sailor woman whose finger gesture did it, especially after she congrats Fraya's beginners luck. She grabs two dice, including the enchanted one, and introduces herself to Fraya as Patty, offering a side bet. Fraya agrees, but only if the dealer gives them a fresh set of die. The dealer complies. Patty rattles the dice, asks Fraya to blow on them. When the die lands, one of the new ones is now enchanted. She wins. Harold and Granylene join the table, but the other gamblers are a little suspicious. Harold prepares ''mage hand. '' Fraya takes two plain dice and ups the bet, Patty takes it, blowing a wet blow on Fraya's dice at her request. With a gesture, Fraya shapes water to cause them to tip onto two sixes. Patty looks at the enchanted dice, and then at Fraya and questions who she is. The players confer a plan to get her to confess. Fraya offers to adjust their debt. Brant, the elf, tries to say it is her turn but Patty shushes him. As they discuss, Arson waltzes over to a bartender and asks for ten shots. She holds five shots in each hand as she approaches the table. Shouting "shots on me!" she throws them over the table, with a nat20. Three of them twirl perfectly into the mouths of the other party members. Three others whizz just past Patty's face. The rest land on the table, shattering. The splash up hits several people in their eyes. Both Patty and Fraya stand up in shock and horror, and Harlotte casts ''charm person on Patty. The rogue offers to escort her to the chapel to clean up the splash damage, convincing her with a nat20. As Patty turns to tell some other sailors to take a break, Harlotte pick pockets various dice from her, as well as some gold and drink tickets. Then he steers her to the chapel. Fraya had already sneaked into the chapel to confess to cheating to Rihanna and hid. As "Harold", "Grannylene" and Patty enter, Sister Baccarat welcomes them. Harlotte goes up to the cleric and they confer over whispers they need to get Patty to confess. Fraya walks up behind the cheater and commands "Confess". Needing a new plan, the queens decide to group intimidate. Fraya uses gust of wind to make herself look more imposing as she stares her down. Arson arrives by kicking down the door. Grannylyne, who has been knitting a scarf, but turns her head, making her eyes glow and says "You wouldn't have any sins to confess, would you dear?" Harlotte drops her costume to just her traveling gear with a twirl and weapon pose. Patty backs up, crashing against the Rihanna statue. She screams, and more dice spill out of her pockets as she confesses. Sister Baccarat steps forward, and summons some of the armory constructs to deal with her. The queens leave to continue preparation for their show. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drow warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPCs * Karin and Patrick * Concierge (debut) * Jim-Jim * Brant, Male Elf Gambler (debut) * Patty, Female Gambler (debut) * Brimley, Tabaxi Gambler (debut) * Avondra's Favor Dealer (debut) * Casino Bartender (debut) * Sister Baccarat Monsters/Enemies * Rock Lobster Episode Notes Lore * The treaty between the tourist resorts and the main residents of the island prohibits tourists crossing over or it would be 'the end of us all.' The main society values privacy and considers the tourists debaucherous. Inspiration Earned * Fraya - Confessing her cheating to catch a cheater Memorable Quotes * "I just use shape water to change the pH of my face so it's always balanced." - Fraya Love * "Let me impart some philosophy. I am feeling about this like I feel about rhinestoning." - Arson Nicki * "Well, you may have made an inroad and perhaps he will return to you on some moonlit night for a rendezvous." - Concierge * "Thank you so much. We will definitely not be going to the other side of the island." - Arson Nicki * "Lobsters do swim, yes?" - Fraya Love * "I was looking for clarified butter because this rock lobster sounds delicious, but I guess I'll be more helpful." - Butylene O'Kipple * "She's Hex Positive." * "I'm satisfied with my time in the basement." - Harlotte O'Scara * "I really hope there are some illustrators listening to this right now." - Fraya Love, dragging a rock lobster. * "What you're going to do is have a ponytail wig and whip it around for five minutes to a pop track and call that a performance." - "While spewing Dad jokes." - Arson Nicki and Butlyene O'Kipple, while helping Fraya Love with her Harlotte O'Scara impersonation. * "Let me get this straight: You're wiping your chest off with your hand and ''flicking it ''at people?" - Harlotte O'Scara * "My name is Cherylyn. I am a real white woman doing real white woman things." - Fraya Love * "Area of Effect with Vodka." - Harlotte O'Scara * "I would like to note that Harlotte O'Scara has linguistically visited like five places in the mental United States. And also has time traveled back and forth." - Arson Nicki References * Morticia Adams * Groundlings * Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson * Betty White * Charlie's Angels * Avondra's Favor from Critical Role * Snidley Whiplash * "I will not Jodie Foster this kind of behavior." * Pinky and the Brain spell "Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen..." * Being Human - inflection on the word "Confess" by Butylene. * Mean Girls - "I'm a pusher, Cady!" * Shangela's Sugar Daddy Rant * William Tell * Carmen Sandiego * Sailor Moon * Lexi Featherston - Sex and the City Name That Tune * "Goodbye Horses" - Q Lazarus * "Rock Lobster" and "Love Shack" - B-52s * Theme from 'Mission: Impossible' * "We Found Love" - Rihanna Behind the Queens *At the end of the episode, DM Matt announced a fan art contest. He asked fans to submit fan art of any kind in order to try and win a DnD prize package. Submissions could be sent in on twitter, and a winner would be chosen at random. *This episode marks the first appearance of a character portrayed by DM James, the other half of the organizers and producers of the podcast. Category:Episodes Category:Season One